Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize