Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
