remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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