Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
