Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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