Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
