a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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