nut hugger
I CAN MOONWALK!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
there is glitter all over my balls
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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