C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
