so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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