I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
