We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
