Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
