I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
