so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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