Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
