Umm I'm too high to move.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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