I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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