I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ketchup is God's man juice
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
