It's Friday. Sex?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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