My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
did i just pee glitter
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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