Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
