we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When are your genitals available?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
