Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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