Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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