The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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