Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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