i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
