so explain again why im purple
no
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your penis caused this!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
