After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
