3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
