Where did you get a picture of my penis
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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