We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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