I seem to have left my pride at pride
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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