end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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