so that wasnt chicken after all
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
