ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
