So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
