you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
