I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
