your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
