I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
