i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
