Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
