you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
