Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
