Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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