I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
