party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
