last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
