I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry about my life...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
