This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
