I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think a kid would responsible me up
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
