So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
