mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
