i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
