I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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