If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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