It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
