do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
