my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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