anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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