I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
foreskin is a definite game changer
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
