I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
