If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
