dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
