Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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