Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
