Your face is a jimmy john
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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